Mekong River Tour

I wasn't keen on the Mekong River Tour because I suspected that it would be similar to the Floating Market Tour in Bangkok. You know, the kind of tour where foreigners make an air-conditioned coach tour to local "attractions" to see how the native folk really live.

Once there, you get that feeling of "deja vu all over again" when the local touts try to lighten your wallet, peddling mass-produced souvenirs and  so-called 'local crafts" for your nostalgic pleasure.

The Mekong River Tour was no exception...I could have said to Mrs. Mundain, "I told you so...", but being the gentle and supportive spouse that you all know me to be, I kept it to myself...hoping for the best.

Well, maybe I did grumble just a bit, but it was only to myself and barely audible.  In these travels I  have been shown that I had never faced any truly bad situations, only poor attitudes...all of which were mine.

...at a rest stop about an hour outside Saigon enroute to the Mekong River Tour,
bored and grumpy, I hauled out my other travel companion, one who doesn't talk back 

these two characters seemed to be having a good time...

desperate for the same, I joined them

...we finally arrived  and  watched the captain  loading fuel for our cruise boat

Before casting off,  the guide gave his spiel emphasizing the authenticity of what were were about to experience.  No, these were not actors we were privileged to encounter but regular Vietnamese people living their everyday lives.

AUTHENTIC EXPERIENCE #1:  COMMUTING ON THE MEKONG

it wasn't really a cruise along the river, it was water taxi for tourists,
the only stops being local villages on the Mekong so that foreigners could get a feel for
authentic Vietnamese village life

...we saw quite a few barges

and a restored cruise ship from the 70's previously enjoyed by the Boat People

AUTHENTIC VIETNAMESE EXPERIENCE #2:   

                                    VIETNAMESE FRUIT STAND

one stop featured an elaborate fruit shop...vendor is resting between sales
(note how the villager could not look me in the eye because she'd probably break out in hysterics)

we were ushered into an open-sided rest hut for fresh fruits and
our next authentic experience....

AUTHENTIC VIETNAMESE EXPERIENCE #3:   VIETNAMESE PARTY

Our parteh began with a little Vietnamese girl of about 8 years old joining musicians already in our hut, preparing to sing for us.  I kinda thought she was cute and looking back, I regret not photographing or videotaping her for your enjoyment.

Now remember, we were privileged to be able experience real, everyday life, so being the mundane Mundain that I am,  I was befuddled when she started belting out a hand clappin' and foot stompin'  "If You're Happy And You Know It", in Viet-English of course.

Just a bit of friendly advice from one tourist to another, should you take this particular tour: make sure you bring lots of 10,000 Dong notes with you.  At the end of some authentic attractions, empty wicker baskets are brought out to be filled by you, the privileged foreigner.

What followed next was more bizarre.

Our group, not knowing how much to give, simply contributed what each felt comfortable. 

HOWEVER,  MUNDAIN WAS SINGLED OUT FOR PUBLIC HUMILIATION.  

The tour guide reached into the basket and pulled out one of the notes I had thrown into the basket, held it over his head for everyone to see and said:

                         "KNOW WHAT THIS BUY? ... NOTHING...CAN BUY NOTHING!"

                         "IF YOU GIVE THIS,   BETTER YOU KEEP FOR SOUVENIR." 

 I kid you not.

Someone in our group meekly asked, "How much should we give?"

"At least a dollar from each person.", commanded the tour guide.

Are you kidding me? That's like $20-25 US for each performance/experience...an outrageous amount when you consider that the average city worker only makes $200 US per month.

You pays your money and you takes your choice.

AUTHENTIC VIETNAMESE EXPERIENCE #4: 

                                     SNAKE CHARMER IN BARBIE GLASSES

the picture speaks for itself,
no typical Vietnamese day would  be complete without  this

AUTHENTIC VIETNAMESE EXPERIENCE #5:
                               VIETNAMESE PADDLE BOAT RIDE

just sit back and enjoy, until the paddler from the opposite direction yells while passing  you:
"give her mun-ee" in Viet-English, referring to your paddler

the coolie hats add to the ambience

OK, fair is fair, you show me Authentic Vietnamese...
I''ll show you Authentic Chinese just  like "Hop Sing" from Gunsmoke

AUTHENTIC VIETNAMESE EXPERIENCE #6:
                              VIETNAMESE COCONUT CANDY FACTORY

this was the real deal,  coconut milk boiled, reduced, sweetened with cane sugar...

to create a toffee-like candy...

stretched, portioned and hand wrapped by local workers

AUTHENTIC VIETNAMESE EXPERIENCE #7:
                                GENUINE VIETNAMESE LUNCH

not this optional menu item for 600000 Dong ($30 US), which we declined

but this tourist special, served cold or lukewarm...
thrown at us like frisbees...water at extra cost

Some day, when you have a little too much time on your hands, if you want, I can tell you about the other authentic Vietnamese experiences
                       - THE AUTHENTIC VIETNAMESE HORSE BUGGY RIDE
                       - THE AUTHENTIC VIETNAMESE BRAKELESS BICYCLE RIDE
that I have omitted but that you might enjoy should you decide to join Mekong River Tour.

But "Now it's time to say goodbye....to all our company, M - I - C - ...." oops!

after a full morning, Mundain prepares to say "Adieu"

the bow section where Mrs Mundain sprained her ankle as we boarded to leave

the result of one false step...

lovingly attended to by Yours Truly

Yes, the very mention of Mekong River Tour will bring back memories, including meeting a wonderful couple from Singapore, Glen and Karen,  with whom we would later cross paths in their hometown.